But What About Alimony?

In yesterday's post I mentioned wanting a divorce from the cult of Adventism. Enola was thoughtful (and funny) enough to send me the following:

STATE OF HEALING IN THE GENERAL COURT OF JUSTICE

DISTRICT COURT DIVISION

COUNTY OF SELF-RESPECT FILE NO: 2007

BEAUTIFUL DREAMER, )

)

Plaintiff, ) JUDGMENT OF ABSOLUTE DIVORCE

5. )

)

THE CULT OF ADVENTISM, )

ELLEN WHITE, and )

THE KING OF THE MOUNTAIN, )

Defendants. )

THIS CAUSE came on for hearing before the undersigned Judge presiding over the October 25, 2007, Session of the County of Self-respect District Court, sitting in the State of Healing, on Plaintiff’s Motion for Judgment as to her claim for absolute divorce, alleging that the parties have lived separate and apart for more than one year. The Court makes the following,

FINDINGS OF FACT:

1. The Plaintiff is a citizen and resident of the County of Self-Respect, State of Healing, and has been a citizen and resident of said County and State for more than six months next preceding the institution of this action.

2. The Defendants are citizens and residents of Self-Proclaimed Hell in the State of Evil, and has been so for at least the past fifty years.

3. This is an action for divorce based on more than one year’s separation of the parties.

4. The parties hereto were joined together by Defendants’ actions and conduct beginning on or about 1961, and continuing until Plaintiff left the State of Evil where she was forced to live with Defendants. Since Plaintiff’s relocation to the State of Healing, Plaintiff and Defendants have lived continuously separate and apart and have at no time resumed the relationship which formerly existed between them.

NOW THEREFORE, based upon the foregoing findings of fact, the Court concludes as a matter of law that:

1. The Court has jurisdiction over the parties and the subject matter herein.

2. The Plaintiff is entitled to an absolute divorce from the Defendants based upon more than one year’s separation of the parties.

NOW THEREFORE, based upon the foregoing findings of facts and conclusions of law, it is ORDERED, ADJUDGED and DECREED as follows:

1. The Plaintiff is granted an absolute divorce from the Defendants and all bonds heretofore existing between the Plaintiff and the Defendants are hereby dissolved.

2. The Plaintiff is further granted the present of truth, the love of God, and the freedom

and liberty from captivity to the teachings of a false prophet.

This the day of October, 2007.

BY: ____________________________________

God

How cool is this? Just reading it makes me happy. I can feel my newfound spiritual and emotional and mental freedom beginning to set up home in this weary heart of mine. In order to make room for themselves they've had to kick to the curb the squatters known as Bondage, Holier-than-thou, Spiteful, and God-hater. Their conniving, lowdown relatives Hearsay and Backbiter have also been ousted.

Comments

[Jewellybeano]

That was completely awesome. Enola, you are the bomb!

[enola]

I have to thank Beauty for her original post. I started writing to be funny - and to provide some hope and comfort to Beauty. It was totally cathartic for me too. I've now written my own divorce decree. You'll have to see my blog to read it. Many thanks to Beauty for the inspiration. You truly are a gifted writer.

[keepers]

this is so cool!!! our JM filled one out for us and printed it, so really neat!!!

Thanks!!

keepers

[Austin]

That is so totally awesome. Way to go Enola!!!!

Austin