Sometimes It's Hard to Be a Nana

Yesterday I returned the carpet shampooer I was so excited to buy in October. For awhile it worked okay (though not as well as I'd hoped), and then it went downhill. No sense keeping something that doesn't do the job, I decided. And then it occurred to me that I could use the money I got back for it to do some Christmas shopping.

I borrowed my son's van and headed for the mall, not the least bit convinced I wouldn't get hopelessly lost. I'd only been to this mall one other time, when Sissyface took me to buy the shampooer. I did get off track about halfway there but I'd brought my cell phone along just in case. I called Sissyface, who helped me get back on track.

Shopping for presents all by my lonesome is so enjoyable, I suppose because for so many years it was always difficult to do anything without at least several of my kids tagging along. I took my sweet time. There was no rush to return the van, nothing awaiting me on the home front that must be tended to sooner rather than later. After two hours of shopping I was able to cross several individuals off my Christmas list.

We're all going to Sissyface's for Thanksgiving. I'm so relieved to not be hosting the holiday myself this year. I didn't realize what a burden that can be until she offered to do it. She wants to have Christmas too at her new condo.

"What about Mom?" I asked. "Isn't she coming out for the holidays?"

"She is, but she's coming earlier this year. She'll be gone on the 20th."

Well doesn't that just figure? Now that Sissyface isn't my neighbor Mom is making herself scarce on Christmas! Is it because she knows she can no longer screw with my holiday family time by planting herself a few doors down? Oh I suppose it's an unkind suspicion on my part, but I can't help it.

Saturday wasIzzy and one of her uncles. Izzy (my granddaughter's) 7th birthday. What do you get when you put 11 antsy kids in one little apartment? A headache, that's what. A noise level that rivals that of a rock concert. What do you get when you sit Sissyface and I side by side in such a situation? Well, while Izzy was opening her gifts I blurted out the word whore. No no, I don't mean I blurted it out just for the heck of it. I thought my grandson had used the word and, in my astonishment that he even knew such a word, echoed it out loud without realizing it. Sissyface's elbow in my rib was the first clue. I hadn't known I'd said the word aloud, much less said it aloud into probably the only quiet moment during the entire party. Several of the parents of Izzy's invited guests had opted to stay for the party; I don't even want to try to envision what they thought of my outburst. Sissyface and I, once I realized with horror what I'd said, laughed quietly and convulsively. The thing is, we should be separated at once at any sort of public event. That people don't know this by now astounds me. Do not let us sit together, is what I should have said to Izzy's parents before the guests arrived. Whatever happens, keep us apart. I don't know if it's because we're both multiples, but whatever the reason, we've always had this bad affect on one another. We can't even behave at funerals, for crying out loud. That should tell people something.

I still can't believe I did that. Who cries out whore! at a kid's birthday party?!

Today I'm doing penance. I'm going to redeem myself from my faux-pas by busying myself with responsible, grown-up activity such as laundry, dishes, vacuuming. I'm going to behave myself big time. It's too late for Izzy's party, and I know that punishing myself won't change that but I feel the need to take myself in hand and be stern.

I'm going to act like a decent nana today in the most seemly manner. I'm not sure about this evening, though. Sissyface is picking me up to spend the night. But we won't be attending any kids' parties, so I don't think we can get into too much trouble.