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Odds and Ends


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This little section is reserved for those little tidbits of information I know hope will be of interest to my readers. Check back often, as I plan on doing a regular update.

 

ms_ar_n.gifOver at Random Thoughts of Self, you'll find an informative article entitled What Self-Injury Is and Isn't

ms_ar_n.gifCheck out this informative website for everything you need to know about depression.

 

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Bill of Rights for people who self harm can be read here

 

thumbnew_animate2.gifYou can read about the types, causes and treatment of self-injury here.

 

 
 
 
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Can I Kiss You is a website which promotes communication and respect for personal boundaries and rights, and sexual assault awareness.

 

Click here for an amusing take on Why We Love Children.

 

 

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Children Without a Voice is a valuable website speaking out for those who can't speak for themselves. You might want to have tissues ready for this one!

 

 

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I found this website helpful, How MPD (DID) works: An Inside View. I'm still trying to figure out the inner workings of a (ok, my DID system) and really like how this article explains it.

 


 


 

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Memoir word count:

26,044  (week 15)

 


 

 

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Do you know the difference between violating anger vs. liberating anger?

 
 

 

 

Thought for the day:

 

"Do not intervene between a person and the consequences of their own behavior." --B. F. Skinner








 

 

 

 

 

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(If the shoe fits, wear  it!) 

 

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Thursday
01Feb

Shades of Grey

During my grade school and jr. high years, I had a wild crush on Davy Jones, of The Monkees. His deep brown eyes twinkled with such good humor and tenderness that it seemed, when I gazed into them (in a glossy photo taped to my wall), that we shared a private joke. I was certain we both laughed up our sleeves quite frequently at the folly of a world which, unfairly, kept us apart.

“Patience, luv,” I imagined Davy crooning in his British accent, “when you’re all grown up the world will not be able to keep us apart, eh what?”

Oh, but I had concerns of a more serious nature than my Davy Jones daydreams. Concerns of a sinister nature, had I been aware of them. The fact that I drifted through life unaware of so much helped me survive, but also left me numb and not a little naive. One of my favorite Monkees tunes was Shades of Grey:

When the world and I were young
just yesterday,
life was such a simple game
a child could play.

It was easy then to tell
right from wrong,
easy then to tell weak from strong;
when a man should stand and fight–
or just go along.

But today there is no day or night,
today there is no dark or light.
Today there is no black or white:

only shades of grey . . .

This song cut me to the quick every time. I wasn’t sure what it meant–I couldn’t afford that kind of knowledge. Had I understood, it would have been impossible to sit across the dinner table from my abuser and keep my steak knife to myself. Had I understood the implications of these lyrics, I would have taken up residence under a bridge rather than entrust my safekeeping to my mother’s deep resentment of me.

There’s an irony here, because for the first 7 years of my life I did see things clearly, in black and white. Nothing was murky or puzzling. I knew my place in the world, and it was pleasant and safe. I had a strong sense of justice and of right and wrong.

Sometimes, when one of my parts peeks through, I get that old sense of shades of grey. A nearly engulfing sadness permeates me, making every movement I make heavy and laden with care. I can’t help but grieve for that innocence I had no business holding on to for so long, but which I clung to because I had no choice. I really had no choice at all.

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(If only I’d had the powers of Jeannie!)

~ by beautifuldreamer on October 5, 2006.