Why this blog?
(The following was written when I first began blogging in 2006.)
I started blogging last summer as a means of coming to terms with my diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder (what used to be known as MPD.) My diagnosis came late in life, in my 5th decade of living. Having raised 5 sons, it seemed time to do what I'd never had time for before: get to the bottom of why my life had always contained much chaos, deep pain, and why I was forever waiting anxiously for the other shoe to drop.
This journey "to the center of my mind" (to quote an old 60's song) posed more questions (at first) than it answered. One good thing that resulted from my nosing around and poking into my past (though it didn't seem like a good thing initially) was to finally give a name to what was wrong with me. Much to my surprise, I discovered through therapy that I have a dozen or more different personalities living inside me, sharing one body. My "system" consists of personalites, or parts, of varying ages and temperaments. The youngest is non-verbal, the oldest is sixtysomething.
Though I speak of this as a surprise, my life began to make a sort of sense once I acknowledged my multiplicity. I realized that I'd gotten used to hearing different voices inside my head, used to having a terrible time making up my mind about anything. What I'd always experienced as "mood swings" turned out to be my different parts "switching," taking turns being out front in control of my body. My frequent inappropriate laughter was just one more thing I could now chalk up to my multiplicity. Oh, there were so many pieces that fell into place! Though not happy to find out about my DID, my relief at knowing the truth about myself, at long last, was immense.
This, then, is my story. I'm a fiftysomething nana on a journey of self (selves) discovery, without a clue in the world as to how to navigate myself through the rest of my life. So much still seems murky---but fortunately I have only to take one step at a time. I've met many fellow travelers in cyberspace, individuals who, like myself, have discovered they've never really been individuals in the truest sense of the word. These are warm and courageous people who it's been my pleasure to meet. They've shared with me their wisdom, for most of them began this journey long before I received my diagnosis. They've shared the wealth of their knowledge about this sometimes intriguing, but mostly puzzling, disorder known as DID.
This journal then is my humble attempt to share with the public everything I know about Dissociative Identity Disorder. I'd like to do my share in demystifying multiplicity, for I can assure you that most of us who live our lives as multiples bear little or no resemblence to the Hollywood version of Sybil, who is perhaps the world's most well-known multiple.
Come along with me on my pilgrimage if you dare; I promise lots of aimless meanderings, some real adventure, not a little emotional angst but seldom (I hope) flat out boredom.