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This area is reserved for the tidbits I know hope will be of interest to my readers. Check back often for regular updates. 


Check out this article about the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomena, including a list of organizations which strongly oppose this sick trend, and have implemented various means of helping women who have been sexually victimized.


Were you raised by a narcissist? Chances are you were if you suffered any form of childhood abuse. The Little Red Survivor website is filled with excellent articles examining the many faces of narcissism.


It's been a long time coming---7 years to be exact---but finally email notifications for new BD posts is available. Sign up today and never again miss another post. You know you want to!













Kate Is Rising has an excellent Survivors Resources page which directs you to numerous websites dealing with issues of abuse, healing and recovery. Please bear in mind that the information on these pages may be triggering.



There's lots of good stuff at the Dissociation Blog Showcase, including a list of 180 blogs dealing with some aspect of this disorder. 



On the Overcoming Sexual Abuse site there's an article entitled, "It's Not About You Mom" which I could have written myself. I bet many of my readers could say the same!








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What Doesn't Work for Me

I remember now why in the past I've never stuck with anti-depressants. They have such a weird affect on me, one that leaves me feeling as though I'm on speed. Being proud of myself for having asked for help must not outweigh the fact that I do poorly on such medications. I took one pill (Wellbutrin) night before last and spent a nightmarish night, not really sleeping exactly but seeing lots of troubling things in my head, and tossing and turning.

Yesterday was grocery shopping day and, truthfully, I probably shouldn't have been behind the wheel of a car. My concentration was very erratic, my anxiety level was through the roof. I didn't really begin to feel like myself again until around 5 in the evening.

When I talked this over with Sissyface she suggested I stop taking the medication. It honestly hadn't occurred to me that I could do that, simply not take what my doctor prescribed. What a sense of relief to think it through and realize that the choice is mine. I don't have to subject myself to this if I choose not to.

Therapy is one thing, drugging myself quite another. I've always had such a low tolerance for any kind of medication that has the capacity to alter my consciousness. Part of healthy self-care needs to be allowing myself to be who I am. This means that when I'm wondering in the back of my mind if a new medication might freak me out (and it did vaguely cross my mind at the doctor's office), I should be willing to face the fact that I have this little oddity about me. Denial is strong because I hate the fact that I can't take lots of medications that others can. It makes me feel rather, oh babyish I guess would be the word.

I'm still bumbling my way through life attempting to figure out as I go just what works for me in my recovery and healing from childhood abuse, and what doesn't.  There was a time when my emotional/physical and mental limitations caused me to feel intense guilt. I'm trying not to go down that road this time. This time I'm making the effort to allow myself grace to be who I am, and to not see everything in such black and white terms. It's not a matter of if I don't take my meds I'm a bad person, if I do take them I'm a good person--and never mind how they affect me.

(One pill over 24 hours ago and I'm still feeling some of the after-effects. Sheesh!)

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Reader Comments (7)

Keep in mind that anti-depressants take a long time to settle into your system. It took several weeks before some of the side effects from Zoloft calmed down. Now I have hardly any, and they don't interfere with my life at all. I take a very low dose, too -- maybe half of what's standard.

Quitting after just one probably is fine, but most of these drugs require tapering off and not just quitting cold.

And, they're not all the same.

Talk to your doctor.

May 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy

Oh, and yeah, maybe meds aren't part of the answer for you at all. Makes sense to try the talk therapy route first and see where that gets you. After all, you've been functioning quite well without meds thus far.

May 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy

Not 'being able' to take the drugs is NOT a disability!! I had to laugh when I read this post because what you are feeling guilty for is... BEING SMART. So many people who have 'side effects' (and there are MANY) would call the doc to complain, the doc would add another script to kill the 'side effects', the person would call to complain about the side effects from the drug that was prescribed to kill the side effects of the first drug, then the person would call back up... I'm sure you get the idea. That is why so many people end up on several medications and eventually suffer devastating health problems because of them. And the bottom line is, drugs cannot heal emotional distress. They either make it worse or simply cover them up a bit temporarily until tolerance withdrawal sets in and the doc has to up the dose or change the "medication cocktail". It's alarming to realize this, but it's no different than what happens to people who use illegal street drugs, it's just that most people absolutely REFUSE to consider this. They can't live in a world where distress is not a disease that can be cured with a pill even if they have to suffer from high blood pressure, diabetes and other metabolic disorders, heart problems, obesity, movement disorders, asthma, inflammatory diseases and autoimmune diseases to maintain the fantasy. Reading this post makes me predict a lot of wellness for you.

May 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

Hi Beauty

Sorry I havent been around lately. I have had quite the time of it, and was in the hospital for awhile. All of my meds have since been changed...increased etc. I am on the mend now, but wasnt sure I would come out of it this time. It was probably one of the worst episodes I have had. I quit my job....stress is just too much.

Wellbutrin...yugh...I was on it for only about a week. It nearly made me crazier than usual. It caused extreme anxiety....and I identify with the nightime thing. I called it a twilight sleep. My eyes were closed, in fact...I couldnt open them. All kinds of thoughts and pictures went through my mind all night long. When I drove, which I was also afraid to do, my leg would shake so bad, that I was sure I was causing the car to jerk.

I have been catching up on your blog, and I am so glad you reconnected with your friend.


June 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie


I know you meant well with your post. However...there are illness for which medication is required in order to stay well, and in my my life.

I am bipolar. I take mood stabilizers...anti depressants and anti psychotics. Not taking them is an invitation to suicidal ideation.

June 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

It's so good to hear from you again. I'm sorry to hear what a time you've had of it. I hope things get better for you. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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